Excuses are like buttholes...

... Everyone's got 'em and they all stink.

I have plenty of excuses for why it has been so long since my last post. The main reason is I am living with my sister-in-law in a house with six people, and one computer. There are also plenty of things keeping me busy. Work, looking for a place to live, car breaking down. You get the picture.

Another thing keeping me busy is my side job as a booking agent. That's right. I have recently been hired by a band to be their booking agent. My friends Matt Deaton and Front Porch Texas have been on a bit of a break and are looking to get back on the road. I am a nerd about Texas music and live music venues, so Matt thought I may do them some good in helping them get back into the swing of things.

This will be a whole new game for me, but I am looking forward to the challenge. Maybe it will catch on and open the door for more than one band. I have named the booking agency, started a website, the whole nine yards. OpenBar Booking is the name. Openbarbooking.com. Check it out. We will see how this goes. Matt is pretty darn good, so it will make my job easier. For those that don't know them check them out here.
Their album, Country Songs, is pictured above. If you like what you hear on their MySpace page, go to this site to purchase the CD.

Shameless, shameless plugs.

If I completely fail, Matt's talent leaves me no excuses.

Sorry it's been so long. Drop some comments and let me know how you are doing.

Hola Humberto!

Here we go again. Another topical storm is creeping up on H-Town.

I am not sure I will have the energy to provide the stellar weather coverage like I did last time. We are supposed to get 10-15 inches of rain in the next two days. In these parts, that means flooding.

Be thinking about us!

Please, no pictures!

I went to a friend's bachelor party in Austin this past weekend. That city is awsome for such events. We went out on 4th, 5th and, of course, 6th Streets.

We had fun. That's about all I can tell you. You want details? Tough.

Why no details? Not because we were crazy and irresponsible (we weren't). Not because there were hookers and arrests (there weren't). No details are given because that is a bachelor party rule. It may as well be a constitutional ammendment. Write it in stone. We could have gone to a backgammon tournament, and there still would be no details given.

Tara asked me when I got back if I had any pictures. Obviously, she wasn't aware of the rules. If "no details" is rule No. 1, then no cameras or pictures, is rule No. 2. Cameras and pictures egual evidence. No evidence is allowed at a bachelor party. Aside from the rule, nothing looks more rediculous than a bunch of dudes taking pictures of themselves. I found the photo above from the movie "Tomcats". This is Exhibit A for why cameras aren't allowed.

This is unlike women, who have to have a photo album of every night they go out. Every birthday party, every bachelorette party, every wedding or baby shower. When you give a woman an excuse to have the camera out it's like a Lifetouch studio. And the first picture taken of any pose or group is never good enough. "My eyes were closed." "I have a hair in my face." "There's an ugly guy in the background."

So, always remember fellas — no cameras and no details at a bachelor party.

Thanks, Mike!

People have told me they like the catch phrases I say a lot. Popular phrases are, "hotter than two rats humpin' in a wool sock" and "out like cassette tapes and slap bracelets."
In all honesty, most of the stupid phrases I say are not original. I have shamelessly ripped off the humor of others in order to make people laugh.
However, thanks to the stellar role model Michael Vick, I have come up with some originals. The following phrases are not ripped off in any way and you are allowed to steal them from me. I don't mind.

"I am sweating like Michael Vick at a PETA convention."

"I am as busy as Michael Vick at a dog fight."

(if talking about someone that is well-endowed)
"He has more Kibbles-n-Bits than Michael Vick"

"Quit barking at me! I ain't Michael Vick."

That's all I have come up with so far. If you have any to add, please post them in the comments so I can steal them for my own enjoyment.

"Member" of an elite group

Don't give me any crap about not posting for a while. I had a very busy week.

My busy week included one of the best sports experiences of my life. I managed to get a ticket to sit in the Houston Chronicle luxury suite at the Astros game Sunday. All the free food you can eat. (wings, burgers, nachos, frito pie, hot dogs) All the beer and soda you can drink. (right on)

The day got even better when I found out the Astros were going to retire Jeff Bagwell's number that day. The ceremony was incredible.

In about the fourth inning, I look over about four boxes to my left and I see Jeff Bagwell, Mike Scott and Clyde Drexler (all Houston sports legends).

A little later I go to the restroom across the hall from the suite. Just as I was finishing my business, a guy comes to the urinal next to me. (there were only two urinals, don't freak out) I look up and see none other than Jeff Bagwell himself. I am urinating next to a Houston legend and future hall-of-famer.

On the day that Jeff Bagwell's No. 5 was put into Astros history books, I was literally a couple of feet from a "member" of an elite group.

No, I didn't get to see his actual "member", so I don't know how big it is or whether it is shaven or not. So don't ask. Yes, people have actually asked me this already.

Get healthy!

I cleared my first Health magazine-style tab today! There is some very interesting content in the issue.
Did you know up to four cups of coffee per day can help reverse the effect alcohol has on the liver?
Did you know Americans spend over $100 billion fighting chronic pain?

The man on the cover is Houston Astros catcher Brad Ausmus. It appears the women in Houston go nuts for this guy so his bare chest should get loads of female readers. Personally, I am tired of seeing his sweaty self. His "health" angle is his love for surfing as a way to stay fit in the offseason.

It is a goal to get local celebrities with health angles on the cover as much as possible. In a meeting today I mentioned Houston resident and endorser of the "Lean, Mean, Fat-reducing Grilling Machine," George Forman. They loved the idea and we are going to try to get him for the December issue. There is a chance I may even get to attent the photo shoot which would completey rock.

Oh, almost forgot... it's still raining.

Erin update

The rain is letting up a little. According to Chron.com (shameless plug), my commute should be sluggish, but problem-free.

Thunder was shaking the building all day which was a little scary because we don't have windows in the art department to see how bad it really is outside.

SUBJECT CHANGE:

My first Health magazine clears tomorrow and will publish Monday. It has been fun to work on. I think I am going to enjoy this gig quite a bit.

Three posts in one day!! Never expect this from me again . . . if anyone even read any of these.